Passion placement.

I love painting. I always have. And I love writing, photography, and makeup artistry.
I have this idea, when you aren't expressing yourself by some sort of passion, your heart hurts.
I am NOT saying that everyone needs to take a painting class and go paint master pieces to release stress. Think about it, a lot of people love working out, they love sports, they are using their passion. Some people LOVE reading, they have ton of books, and read like crazy, it's a passion to them, some people love to talk, maybe they talk about school, or work, or a cause they love, they are passionate.
Passion is something that is lacking today, I think it's because when people think passion they think love, lust, a romantic feeling. Passion is: any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling.
I struggled for a long time, I thought I didn't have a passion, because I wasn't good at much, and I looked to the typical things, playing music, drawing, singing, painting, art in general, etc. I thought because I didn't particular excel it's because it wasn't what I was passionate about, passion is often mistaken for talent. Or talent is often mistaken for passion. But let's think about it. I have a passion for writing, but I've worked to be as good as I am now and it stresses me out sometimes, sometimes I can't think of anything to write about. PERIOD. Sometimes all I can do is try to do writing exercises, one time I just wrote out 3 pages of adjectives, purely because I couldn't think of anything to write. It's hard to nurture a passion when it becomes that stressful. 
But it's SO IMPORTANT! I'm not saying you need to work for hours a day running so you can be a marathon running, but not loosing a passion in the midst of the hell of life, going to something you feel passionate about, something that helps you expel and express all that is inside, is the best thing i know to do. I lost my passion for those things a few years ago, and fell into a lot of sadness because of it, letting anger control you is never a good idea, or any negative thing for that matter, grief, depression, guilt, regret, all of them  can weigh you down and passions and outlets are what we need to keep ourselves going. If you love swimming but aren't very good at it, it  doesn't matter! Have fun and do what you want, i know my writing is only ok sometimes, but I keep doing it, because it helps me and it relieves my stress and helps me arrange my thoughts and feelings properly. 
I hope that something in this jumble of a message helps someone. 
Use your passion! Run  with it and own it, and don't worry if you aren't perfect at it. :)


Peace.

(: PHOTOGRAPHY :)

Christmas day

So, it's been months since I posted on here and it's been months since I cared.
I've stepped back and looked at this blog from a distance and I am realizing how much I've grown since I wrote those posts. I have always been a writer, I haven't always wanted to or loved it, but it's always been something I could do.
I've rediscovered what it means to be truthful, or maybe just discovered it in the first place, being the one that has always got it figured out, has gotten me to a lot of dead ends, loneliness and feeling abandoned, it's only when I finally quit putting on the mask of a hero when I truly felt loved.
I have struggled with a lot of pain and depression in my life, it come from a lot of things but a lot of it is hereditary.
I've been learning how to tame it, how to not use it against myself, how to let the bad out in a way that is positive.
I'm learning, but I haven't learned it all.
I want to keep updating this blog, I can't make any promises but I think I can do it, if i really want to.
I have a few goals in mind for my life right now, and I'm making this one of them.
I'm also not promising philosophical stuff, or even smart stuff, just stuff.

I hope that what I write here can help others like me, and if I start to sound like  a know it all, I can be virtually slapped.
I want to help, but I am not completely healed either.

Merry Christmas.

The Wall

If any of you has ever seen "Run Fat Boy Run" ( One of my favorite movies) You'll Know what "hitting the wall" means. If not it's basically the point in endurance sports (running, cycling, swimming etc.) where you're body wants to quit. (or more precisely the glycogen stores in the liver and muscles begin to deplete, leaving you feeling like you can't go any farther)
When I'm riding my bike, I pretty  much always hit the wall about ten minutes in, it doesn't matter whether I'm climbing a hill or on flat ground, it's almost always about ten minutes in. Now the key to hitting the wall is to push past it, don't stop, don't give up, push past it, because once you get past it your endorphins will kick in, leaving you feeling that "runner's high."

In life, we tend to "Hit the wall." A lot.
When this happens we always want to give up, even when pushing past it will get us to the other side, and stronger, (sorry for yet another exercise analogy) when we work out, muscles have to tear  to get stronger, just like we have to get over our walls to be stronger.

When I was 14 I moved from the place I'd lived most my life, I was in middle school, I was just starting to have good friends, and we moved. It was a wall for me, but rather than climb past my wall I continued to stand there stubbornly waiting for everyone else around me to change it, over time more walls were built, and more, until the walls were bigger than me and started to topple down on top of me.

It takes a lot more work to climb out of the wreckage than it does to climb over it while it's still smaller than you.

So don't give up when you reach that wall.
Climb over it.

You are bigger than the wall and no matter how hard it gets, you can ALWAYS get over that next wall, even if it seems like you never will.

Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things.-Randy Pausch

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 

Never give up. :)
Loves.

Self Portrait

here are some pictures for my self portrait study, if you look closely you can see that there are words of hope and pain.'.. some are names of places and people some are objects, some are contradictory to each other, my friend Kim wrote all these words on my face for me, I wrote them down on paper for her first, and as I was sitting there with many of my friends around, I felt so out of my comfort zone, but so alive because I KNEW they still loved me even though my whole LIFE was on my face, Imagine if when you met someone, the words that shaped there life were on there face. would we judge them? would we walk away? I want to hope we wouldn't, I want to hope we'd still welcome them as if they had put on the mask we ALL wear when we meet others, I hope we would.

Philippians 1:3 my dears...... it is true.

GACK!!!

So I took forever to post I knows.................... but guess what? i just created a formspring site, which if you don't know what it is i got this info from here http://formspringme.zendesk.com/portal

About formspring.me

formspring.me is a site where you can send and receive anonymous questions, and learn more about people you find interesting by following their answers.

So yeah feel free to check it out also I'm going to be adding alot of photos to this blog all photos are taken by me, and belong to me. unless other wise stated.

Thanks!!  

Amarillo

Day 1: flying flying flying, sleeping on the floor in the airport is fun, It kinda made me feel like a homeless dude.hahhaha So we get to Texas and I start laughing at the fact Texans have "Texas Size" stuff, being an Alaskan I find it funny, But I also kinda discovered, both Alaska and Texas, we can be kinda prideful so.. ya kinda had to check myself there.

Day 2: Well..... we worked!!! yay!! it was fun, total reorganize ness going on and we TOTALLY came together as a team, the guys worked hard, the girls did, no one fought, and also we still like stayed with the people we worked with even when we didn't have to.

Day 3:  More reorganizing. I learned a lot about the town, some of the people that live here and work here. we went to dinner and a play with some of the church ladies, good yummy food and funny play. :) I decided to share my testimony? Bible study......... doing that on day 5. Pray for me. :) I Love this place, its not what you expect, it's amazing to feel so welcome in a place I've never been.